Unemployed

Perhaps it's the economy or more accurately, a mild sense of low self esteem - I've found myself going into my sixth week of unemployment. I work in tv. For those who do not work in tv, being unemployed is not uncommon. There is the ubiquitous realm, hiatus. Or the even more common term, "in between gigs."

Life isn't so terrible. Who am I kidding? I understand that in the scheme of the whole world that I'm extremely fortunate. What I'd like to really get to the root of, the point of blogging is to help me realize what it is that I've lost along the way. I don't think I'm depressed because I've suffered through major depression and this is most definitely not the low point of my life. I understand the DSM guidelines and the diagnoses since I've been through therapy. What I want to figure out is why I feel so slump-ish and unmotivated. Am I just spoiled and terminally unsatisfied?

Back to the unemployment, I think part of the problem of my unhappiness is not working. I know a lot of people hate their jobs and I've had jobs that were horrible too. I've had bosses who tried to sleep with me, been backstabbed by coworkers, almost crashed my car on the freeway from working 16 hour days. Drama ensues! But most of the time, I really really like what I do. I like writing, producing, putting together stories to share with the world. I like being on set with my coworkers who are often very funny. In my business, when things are good, it's like winning the lottery. I miss that. When I don't work I feel like a loser. It's probably more complicated than that. But I'll tell you more later.